


Nightly Routines

by thesassykels66



Series: Routines [1]
Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom, dan and phil
Genre: All nighter, Back tickles, Comfort, Cuddles, Cute, Dancing, Dark, Domestic, Fluff, Illness, Isle of Man, Kissing, Love, M/M, Night, Nightly routines, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Sex, Sharing a Bed, Sweet, They Make It Work, They love each other, VidCon, chapter 4 at least, cuddles by fireplace, dont hate me, intimate, not all stories are linked together, sick, sleeping, slow dance, snoring, xmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:04:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesassykels66/pseuds/thesassykels66
Summary: These are just little one-shots combined in a category that is remotely similar. So it's not an on going story, just little stories bundled together as nights happen in the Dan and Phil household.





	1. The Average Night

**Author's Note:**

> Some nights they were in the lounge. Some nights in the bedroom, and even some nights they were in the office playing a game. Some nights they weren't together at all, and some nights they never leave each other's side.

Suitcases were still unpacked. Dirty dishes littered every square inch of this colorful room. Phil was found reading on his side of the bed, his foot dangling off the side. Tempting for monsters underneath who wanted a midnight snack. Dan walked in without saying a word knowing exactly what he came in for. He wrapped a pillow around his arms as he sat himself up, Phil mirrored him, turning on the tv on the other side of the room.

His bed had grown even more comfier as the nights went on. They sat in the comfort of silence as the brightness of the tv flickers over the darkened room. "You think if we ever murdered someone we'd get away with it?" He suddenly asked. 

Dan blew a laugh through his nose, "you honestly think you and I, the tallest and clumsiest pair in the history of ever, could get away with murder?" 

"Well I don't know!"

"Who do you plan on murdering Phil Lester." 

"How about our neighbor?" He pointed with his thumb over his shoulder. Dan chuckled in agreement. Knowing that life would be more peaceful without the sparks of a buzz saw every morning. 

Dan was never sure when he drew in closer, but his warmth was leant up against Dan's shoulder. He could smell his freshly washed hair, and the onions on his breath. The volume was low but the brightness was so loud. Even with their eyes closing it seemed so blinding. Dan fell into a trance of light sleep as his cheek rested against Phil's head. His body unprotected by covers but was completely warm. His lungs measuring his breath. 

In. Like the long weekend they had. The drinks they shared and the hungover mornings endured. The shopping adventures and arguments over new shoes on the table. Whether if they should try a new Ribena flavor or stick to the old. If it was worth it to walk through that pet store again and continue the dream of four paws joining soon. 

Out. Like this moment being shared. Him selflessly resting his head on Dan's shoulder. Breathing out of his mouth, like soft whistles of the wind on a rainy day. His toes wiggling to the rhythm of sleep. Vulnerable and defenseless as if the moon in the night sky had stopped within its waxing gibbous, nearing its full potential. 

Dan's sudden breath allowed him to wake momentarily to turn off the blaring tv and sink into the warmth of the duvet. Phil drew deeper into him, encasing in his arms like a teddy bear with a child. Dan chuckled slightly. 

"Phil," he whispered, "Phil." 

"Mmm-" he grumbled back in sleep. 

"You gotta take your contacts out." Dan bat away his stray hairs falling on his forehead. 

"Mm." 

"C'mon. You don't want another embarrassing optician visit." 

"It's all the way downstairs." Saliva had collected in his mouth, bubbling his words. 

"It'll be worth it. Don't dry your eyes out again." 

"Hmm." He sunk himself deeper into Dan's chest. Dan forced himself to sit up unlocking their embrace. He groaned again. "Fine. But you have to get rid of your god awful onion breath." 

Dan giggled, following him to the bathroom. Phil ran to the toilet first as Dan turned on the tap. His tired state looked bland within the mirror. His posture was bad, his shirt had been worn again and again which probably should've been in the wash right now, but wasn't. His hair curling at the ends and grey bags held under his eyes. Phil came and joined in Dan self deprecating in silence. 

If at odd most circumstances, this was his favourite part of the day. Shared silence and existence whilst doing their nightly routines. Dan would brush his teeth, Phil would peel his eyes out and place them in the pot and instinctively place them on the tap. Dan, then, moved them as that's not where they go. They mirrored brushing techniques and give goofy faces in the mirror without trying to spill toothpaste leaking from their mouths in the process. Often times they'd bonk heads in synchronized spitting. 

Self mutilating Dan's face was priority as Phil washed his. Keeping the water warm he handed Dan the wash cloth to rinse his skin. Phil couldn't help but smile once his glasses slightly fog due to the steam of his loosened pores. Dan used the toilet last and he turned off the lights. 

"Goodnight then," He'd yawn as he clicks off the final kitchen light heading towards the door to his room. Phil's hand laced around Dan's forearm, dragging him back into his lair of cuddles and sleep. Dan happily went. 

His sheets were clean, soft, and fragrant of fabric softener. Their hands and toes intertwined in a rhythm of dance they choreographed themselves. "Do you think insects dream?" He mumbled out of his sleepy mouth. 

Dan couldn't help but smile, "well dogs are intelligent enough to dream. Are insects not intelligent?" 

"Spiders can be quite intelligent." 

"Let's not get into spiders right now." 

He paused, contemplating on the next text subject of nightly banter. "If you could mix any two foods together and have them work perfectly, which would they be?" 

Dan laughed, "Phil-" 

"I mean for me it would be pizza and coffee, barbecue style." 

"Pizza and coffee already go together though." 

"But if you were to blend them up they wouldn't." 

"Are you wanting to actually combine these foods into like a purée?"

"yeah why not?" 

"Are you planning on losing your teeth now old man?" He giggled, looking up at the ceiling. Their hands still doing the dance of dreams. Phil laughed back. 

"No, it's just a thought of mine." 

"It's an odd thought." 

"But what foods would you combine?" 

"Mm, how about sushi and Indian? Chana Masala and spicy tuna roll?"

"Mmm" we synchronized.

"Are you hungry?" Dan asked him.

"Not really. Are you?"

"No." They let silence captivate them. Dan studied his breathing patterns. His free hand found Phil's hair line again, gently petting him. "Phil." 

His eyes opened in the dark to link with Dan's, "yeah?"

"I hate you." They shared mutual giggles as he pulled him close to peck his lips. 

"I hate you too." They slumbered a kiss that was lazy and hazy but it sent shivers down their spines. Phil tugged a pillow into the correct position and laid upon it, watching Dan fall into the darkness of peaceful sleep. His thumb twirled around in circles at the back of Dan's hand. 

He could feel him breathing. His ice cold toes brush against Dan's shin, and then he'd grumble an incomprehensible apology. Warmth flooded my entire being of the feeling of safety within the hours of night. Listening to the motorbikes speed down the street, the light wind tickling at the windows, and the calmness of his quiet snoring from the pillow next to his. 


	2. The warmth of the dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After turning off the tv Phil is fast asleep on top of Dan. Their bed is just down the stairs and Dan's getting cramped but he stays. Listening to the rain and the steady breathing as they sit in the dark on their couch in complete comfortable silence

Dan turned off the tv and the room went black in a flash. The patter of rain and echoing thunder rolled outside the windows. Moonlight and flashes of lightning leaking in through the cracks of the curtains, they sit cuddled up on the couch. Two blankets on because Phil constantly hogs it if it were just one.

His legs started to go warm due to their position of being crossed and resting on top of the coffee table. His shoulder starting to crawl with pins as Phil’s head had been nested on it. Dan knew he was out 30 minutes ago, and yet refused to move.

The rain grew louder and the wind started to howl. Sirens sang as they raced down the road to an emergency, and they sat in complete silence and warmth. Phil’s breathing became soothing and more to the pattern of sleep. He could feel his exhalation across his chest. Dan smiled a bit as he draped what ever remaining muscle strength he had to tuck him in closer.

Their bed was just down the stairs. A few steps away. But yet right here in this particular moment it was perfect. Despite the aches of Dan’s poorly postured body, he remained with his love draped across his stature. His eyes adjusted to the dark to see Phil’s head now firmly against Dan’s chest. He could feel Phil’s heart beat pulse through his shirt and out his back rib cage. He could feel him smile as he listened in depth to his own.

_I don’t want to move for once_ Dan thought. Aching to pet Phil’s back but he knows that if he did Phil would wake up. He didn’t want to take those silent steps down the stairs and into their room. Brushing their teeth with the dopey faces of drowsiness and into bed where they sleep opposite sides of each other. No. Dan wanted to stay where he could hear the rain and the breath of his love in perfect sync.

Phil was warm. He was more than warm. He smelt of Day old shampoo and sweat and musk that Dan had practically memorized for years. His breath still lingering of the Thai take away and the beer that was coupled with it. Dan rested his cheek on top of Phil’s head and let out a slight hum of satisfaction. Secretly hoping it wouldn’t wake him up.

Dan wasn’t sleepy, he just remained silent. He observed this moment with a keen eye as it has been a long time since a moment like this has occurred. Phil usually falls asleep against the arm of the chair or in his lap. He secretly loved the way that Phil fell asleep during movies. He’s gotten into a habit of sleep talking during random parts, and wakes up with a confused expression every time they’re watching an action comedy and there’s an explosion at the right time. Dan loved how his glasses slide perfectly off his nose because he always tucks his chin in when he falls asleep.

Gingerly Dan pinched the bridge of Phil’s glasses and peeled them away from his face, placing them on the other cushion of the couch. He studied the tree branch’s behavior through the window as its silhouette danced against the curtain. Dan closed his eyes just for a moment to take in the warmth and the beating heart that was this comfortable moment. He never wanted it to end.

“Dan. Dan.” Whispered Phil some time later. He noticed the rain had stopped, and every muscle in his lower half had gone dead. “Hey.” He smiled, already feeling the coldness of Phil’s absent body. Phil was sitting next to him, an arm draped around his shoulder. Dan’s head met Phil’s shoulder like it was a magnet. “We fell asleep” Phil said mid stretch.

“Hmm” was all he could muster back. A slight frown appeared across his own lips. He crossed his arms, wishing they were Phil wrapping across his chest again.

“Let’s go to bed love.” Phil whispered again, grabbing his arm back. Dan whimpered.

“No.” He grabbed onto Phil’s arm before he could get up. “Stay.”

“We can’t sleep on the couch.”

“Yes we can.”

“We haven’t done that since the old apartment love.” He petted Dan’s hair away from his eyes. He was purring under Phil’s touch.

“Stay. You’re so warm.”

“We have a warm bed downstairs.” Phil muttered through the dark. “Where are my glasses?”

“Dear stay.” He allowed his body to stretch, having his back and legs pop in satisfaction. Phil let out a sigh.

“Let me piss first?” Dan let out a sleepy chuckle as Phil left his spot. Leaving warmth behind. Dan collapsed onto it. Curling himself deeper into the couch that grew even comfier as minutes went by. “Lift your head” Phil brought a pillow from bed and fluffed it under Dan’s chin. He moaned as he lowered his head onto it. “Am I being the little spoon?” Phil asked standing over him.

“See, this is why I didn’t want to wake you. You’re such a grump who doesn’t shut up and enjoy the peaceful silence.” Dan mumbled, flipping himself over face down and taking up all the space on the couch.

“Well then I’ll just go to bed then.”

“Nooo. Stay.” He sat up and opened the blanket towards Phil, inviting him in to the warmth of the dark. Phil gave in without a choice. Sinking closer and deeper into Dan where he could hear his heart beat again. “I love you.” Dan whispered and kissed at his cheek.

“I love you more.” Phil replied pecking at his lips before nestling into his chest. The rain started to pick up again and the dark finally felt like home once more. Dan was much more comfortable this time around, having his body weight he equaled out and his head propped up by the pillow. He memorized Phil’s breathing again to know when he was asleep. His toes twitching against his own and a smile creeped across his face.

“Night love.” He mouthed, kissing the top of Phil’s head and taking in the sweet smell of warm.


	3. The argument of snoring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Climbing into bed after a long day, it was particularly hot and the air con decided to shut off. Phil was asleep before Dan, which was a miracle in itself, but there was something odd. Phil was snoring, LOUDLY. Through a fit of sheets and rude awakenings to both of them, they argue over the inevitability of snoring soundly.

Clicks of Dan's keyboard echoed well into the night. He had lost track of time and before he knew it, it was already quarter to 3 am.  _Whoops_ Dan thought, realizing he had a long day of social interaction with friends and family,  _I deserved it._ He told himself shutting off Guild Wars 2 and detaching himself from his chair. The subtle lights were still on and Phil was no where to be found. Suspecting he was watching a movie in bed without him, or he's eating his cereal. A frustrated sigh settled in his gut knowing both were a high possibility. With phone in hand for comfort, Dan lingered around their duplex to turn off the lights one by one, secretly praying nothing would jump out at him through the dark. 

The orange and blue glow of their moon room was dimly lit, and Phil was found on his side of the bed. Covers lazily strewn across his body and his glasses sliding off his nose. Dan imply smiled, having Phil's magnetic field draw him near and tucked him better into bed, removing his glasses with a kiss to his glabella.  "It's a miracle you're actually asleep before 3 am this time Lester." Dan whispered, making his way to the bathroom. 

Brushing his teeth to a rhythm of a tune inside his head, he played with his hair and monitored his skin with his free hand. Feeling a shudder as the A/C decided to shut off. Dan spat in the sink and rinsed his skin to be soon enveloped in to the warmth of Phil's company. He left his bedside lamp on and browsed through his phone some more. Words and meanings blended together, making it harder to comprehend even just one sentence. Dan yawned and stretched his toes, sinking deeper into the comfort of their mattress. He gave up and plugged his phone into its charger, turned off the light, and buried his head into his own pillow, making sure his bum could still touch Phil's. 

A roar echoed through the room, softly guiding its way across the dark. It grew loud, and then soft, and the louder the next time around. With a mumble, a gurgled gasp that Dan had never heard before was coming from none other than Phil. He flipped himself over to watch Phil breathe in his sleep. He dragged out an even louder snore than before. "Oh my god." Dan said, a bit sleepy and shocked. Trying so hard not to laugh, he watched Phil keep a steady breathing pattern of snoring. A deep, back-of-the-throat sonorous snore that the neighbors could probably hear. "Phil." Dan poked at Phil's shoulder, only resulting him to snore  _even louder_ than he even could imagine. "What the fuck is wrong with you!" He chuckled to himself, shaking Phil within his grasp. "Phil. Wake up. Oh my god." 

"Gh-wha?" Phil startled, looking over at Dan whose eyes were wide, trying to fight a sympathetic smile. "What's up?" He slurred, moaning as he re-positioned himself. 

"You're snoring." 

"I always snore."

"Not like that." Dan watched as Phil closed his eyes again, only moments later to have his mouth open and letting out another deep snore from the back of his tongue. "Phil!"

He jumped again, "What?!"

"You're snoring again!" 

"I'm tired let me sleep." He playfully swatted Dan away as he flipped himself over so he couldn't look at him. 

"Okay but if you're going to be like that I don't know if I can sleep here." 

"You baby, can't handle a bit of snoring." 

"Phil, that's not normal. Are you getting sick again?" 

"No. I'm fine." He yawned, pulling the sheets over his shoulders. Soon enough to be asleep and snoring yet again. Dan scoffed. 

"Oh my god. This is why I go to sleep first. You're ridiculous." He sat back in defeat and listened to Phil snore. Half of Dan wanted to believe he was doing it on purpose. "Are you shitting me." 

"Hmm?" Phil mumbled, reaching slight consciousness again. 

"Are you doing this to piss me off? Because it's working." 

"I'm not doing anything."

"You. Are. SNORING. Phil." He pulled off the covers away from Phil, he groaned. "You sleeping talking is one thing because it's subtle, but if you're going to be snoring like that we're gonna have a problem." 

Phil rolled over onto his stomach, hugging his pillow and looking up at Dan, "Well you snore and I don't complain." 

Dan scoffed again, "I don't snore..."

"Yes you do." 

"Okay but probably not like an endangered bull."

Phil laughed, "was it really that bad?"

"YES!" Dan mirrored his laugh. He watched Phil lift himself up with a sigh and opened his bedside drawer and pulled out two orange ear plugs, "no. No. I'm not wearing those."

"Well you're gonna have to."

"I can't sleep with those things in my ears Phil."

"Well too bad. I'm going to sleep, either figure it out or go sleep in my room." He hugged his pillow again and faced back towards the door, fixing the covers to cover himself completely. Dan sighed, looking at the orange squishy things in his hands, knowing that sleeping in that closet would leave him in a claustrophobic state, he had no other choice. He plugged up his ears, and tried to sleep.

Later into the night, Phil's bladder annoyed him enough to wake him up. Grumbling into the bathroom to finish the request his body begged for. He walked back into their room, seeing a bit of the morning light peek through the crack of the curtains, he was welcomed to the sound of a restful growl coming from Dan. He chuckled under his breath, until realizing that he lent his earplugs to the culprit. "Oh no." He said, climbing back into bed. Phil gingerly picked out his earplugs from Dan's ears and noticed that a film of ear wax coated both of them "ew!" he said, inevitably regretting him using them. He sighed and smiled, doing the wicked as he plugged Dan's nose, watching him gasp himself awake.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Dan screamed. Phil laughed.

"You're snoring." He replied with a smirk written across his face. Dan growled, letting his nose flair with frustration. "And you grossed up my ear plugs."

"You gave them to me!"

"I know but I didn't think you were gonna make them all gross! Do you ever clean your ears?"

"Yes I do! Now if you excuse me." He rolled back over trying to fall back asleep. Phil mocked his snoring, making Dan groan again. Phil laughed at his response. "This isn't going to work then." 

"What do you mean?" Phil asked, still having a chuckle in his voice.

"We both snore. We just have to accept that."

"Well you've always snored, I've adapted to it. Now it's your turn to do the same for me."

"Phil Lester, snoring like a banshee isn't something I can get used to just like that." They both looked at each other in the eyes, placing their heads on the same pillow.  

"Do you think we need to get tested?" 

"I'm not getting tested." Dan scoffed, petting Phil's face with the back side of his finger, "you should. Definitely." 

Phil chuckled, shaking his head, "If I'm getting tested you're coming with me Howell." They mirrored smiles for a while, listening to the peace of the quiet for the first time that night. 

"Maybe we both just need our own pair of earplugs then." 

"We'll buy some tomorrow." Phil said, cupping Dan's face and drawing him in for a kiss they deserved to share. Phil sat himself up as he watched Dan fall asleep, regaining his place where he left off, snoring away. Phil smiled, leaning closer to him. "That's the thing, I like it when you snore." A spit bubble popped from Dan's mouth, leaving a trail of drool from the corner of his lip and dip into the sheets, "most of the time." Phil pat the top of his head and intertwined their toes as he shared Dan's pillow, soon falling asleep shortly after. Having their snores harmonize with each other.  


	4. Just the right amount

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After coming home from a lovely dinner with the Lesters, Dan and Phil are left feeling warm and fuzzy. The perfect amount of wine was consumed throughout the evening, leaving their rather ordinary night to turn slow and romantic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Smut**  
> But it's cute fluffy smut, I'm not into all the rough and weird kinks

Only meters away from their apartment they walked hand in hand, swinging them back and forth nonchalantly. Dinner was amazing as Mother Lester's birthday week was coming to a close, Phil wanted to make sure dinner for them was special and one to remember. A fine course meal with hardly no room for dessert, but couldn't pass up on the free birthday choice, they stumbled into the lift feeling rather repleted. The lift made their tummies bubble and giggles flooded from their mouths. They were also freely tipsy. 

Dan immediately changed into comfier clothes while Phil's auto pilot walked him onto the balcony. He sat in his nice pants and a button top, he wanted to enjoy the last drops of the sun setting. Dipping into the distance where the sky was changing from light blues to purple hues. Dan turned on the outside light and joined him, filling the spaces between them with freshly brewed tea. 

"It's so beautiful." 

"Yes, you are." Dan said, blush rising to his cheeks knowing it wasn't just the wine in his bloodstream. He took a sip of the steaming tea and admired him from the seat over. Phil scoffed at him. 

"I'm gonna miss having summer evenings here." 

"This place has treated us well." Dan looked around, taking in their temporary home knowing this will be their only summer there. He makes sure to keep memory of it. 

"I like being up this high and seeing everyone be their normal selves down below." 

"hmm. yeah." 

Phil swallowed some of his tea, hardly tasting it because of the temperature. He set it back down and stuck his hands in his pockets. His head was swaying and his mind was fuzzy. The good kind of fuzzy. The fuzziness he felt at peace with. He took in the vast scenery and finally bucked up the courage to grain into his memory of the way Dan looked with the purply-grey clouds reflecting off their building. His hair had been combed through from his fingers multiple times, loosing their defining curls. His cheeks had grown pink and his eyes seemed like they held more sparkles than usual. Dan caught him staring, making Phil shy away. Like he was looking at a crush he wasn't meant to be staring at. Dan giggled. 

"I love being a part of your family." His thumbs trailed the outside ring of the mug, feeling himself twitch as the words flooded out of his mouth, "It's something I never thought I'd actually enjoy. But I fucking love it." 

Phil chuckled, finally taking actual swallows to his steeped beverage, "My family loves you too, so I'm glad to hear that." 

"I sometimes don't think they love me..."

"Why?"

"I dunno, I get validated a ton from your family. Not even my own family does that often."

"Dan we've been over this." 

"I know, I know. I like it though. I get so nervous that one day they're just going to stop." 

Phil chuckled again, "Do you want me to tell my parents that they can never stop kissing your cheeks, or hugging you, or inviting you to places that are normal family doings?" He raised his eyebrows, taking in another sip. 

Dan weakly smiled, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks, "That's not what I mean you dingo." 

"I know. But you don't always have to suck up to them." 

"Do I suck up?"

"You go from negative ten to one-hundred and ten whenever they're around. So yes." 

"I just like making a good impression." 

Phil lowered his mug into his lap, having his hands hug it tightly, "Dan it's been eight years." 

"I know I know I know." Dan set his mug on the little table and sighed. "Damn it is a beautiful night." 

"Not as beautiful as you." Phil said, having Dan draw his attention back to him. 

"You can't steal my pick up lines." 

"Well I just did." 

"I need to get my own patent" 

"Patent? Or copy right?"

"You know what I fucking mean."

"Do I though?"

"You better know what I mean"

They were both pulling each other in somehow, giving each other eyes and snarky remarks back in forth until their lips met. It was a gentle kiss that was balanced over the table that was separating them. They unlocked lips and Phil sighed slightly. Looking into Dan's brown irises again to see them dilated and hungry for more. They kissed again, this time with more meaning. 

The table started to become nuisance and eventually broke their kiss, leaving Dan heave a growl and to sit back in his chair watching Phil from afar. Phil uncrossed his legs and invited him over, giving Dan no time to hesitate. He sank into Phil's lap and cupped his hands underneath Phil's jawline and the nape of his neck. It was the sexiest thing Phil had ever seen. Dan enveloped their lips together again, passion and rhythm behind the dance of their tongues. Phil's hands met the small of Dan's back, drawing him in closer and closer until his bum was completely flat against his thighs. He let out a gentle moan as Dan sucked on his top lip. 

Phil pushed Dan's tongue back into his mouth, gathering every remembrance of their dinner. Still tasting the chocolate of the mousse and the oak of the wine. His pants started to grow uncomfortably tight knowing he could feel the growth of Dan's own member. Adjusting himself in the chair only made Dan moan against his mouth, he locked their lips once again, feeling the heaviness of his breath. 

Dan's fingers found the buttons of Phil's shirt with ease, as many times with practice. He started to involuntarily bounce upon Phil, making the bulge of Phil's pants more of an ecstasy. Dan trailed his plump lips down Phil's chin, his jaw, pecking at his neck, and dotting down to Phil's now exposed collar bone. He lightly dug his teeth into the stiffness of his skin, causing Phil to erupt in erotic pleasure. He clutched onto Dan, tugging him in closer and wanting more. 

"We should move this inside" Dan whispered against his skin, making Phil shudder. The pink in both their cheeks were visible and Phil had no words to process or even think. Dan stood himself off of Phil and took him by the hands, guiding them both inside. Phil's only actions he could muster was to remove his pants and fling off his shirt. He collapsed onto the sofa watching Dan lock the door and close the curtains. "Let's not have the neighbors watch us this time." Dan walked over and pushed Phil's shoulders back onto the couch, kissing him harder and where they left off. Letting go of the restrained noises and being care free. 

Dan resumed going down on Phil, his sweat pants grinding down on Phil's painfully hard erection. He couldn't hold himself back, letting his mouth release noises he knew he shouldn't be releasing so loudly. But Phil hadn't felt this good in a long time. Sex was the usual, they were either doing it because they were bored or because they felt like they should. They tried toys and certain kinks and messed around, they even role played from time to time. But those moments couldn't compare to how they were feeling in this particular moment. Dan's ears started to burn as he let more pressure drop and began digging into Phil's cock. Phil's head swung back having his neck be completely exposed, watching his Adam's apple bob up and down. 

"Shh, let's try and be quiet little monkey" Dan whispered, taking the authority as Phil was already losing himself. He knew he'd regain his train of thought soon enough, so Dan took the opportunity. He sucked on Phil's lower lip and soon marking his place right on his chest, swirling around bits of Phil's chest hair with his tongue. He settled on his nipple and looked up at Phil while still grinding down, feeling his boxers slowly grow wet with pre-cum. 

Dan's skin, too, was electric. He wanted to take things slow for once and to make Phil feel good. He knows their last session wasn't the best and ended up being more painful than relaxing. His reminisce was cut short as Phil's hands dug into Dan's ass cheeks, forcing himself to grind more and more into Phil's swelling and dripping cock. 

"Would you like me to suck it Daddy?" 

"Oh  _god. Please._ " Phil's breath was hasty, nearly begging for completion. Dan, although painfully wanting more, obeyed and licked his way down to the hem of Phil's boxers. Unveiling Phil's already wet cock. Sucking on the tip made Phil explode with arousal. 

"Shh monkey." Dan continued to suck, going lower and lower until his entire cock was in his mouth and touching the back of his throat. Enough practice helped with the gagging. It wasn't long until Phil tensed and was cumming into Dan's mouth, having it drip from the corners of his lips and pool into his belly button. 

"I'm sorry.  _Ah._ I'm sorry," Phil whispered, batting away his hair from his forehead. 

Dan chuckled, slurping out the leftover cum from Phil's naval, "Why? I made you feel good." 

"I didn't wait." 

"I didn't ask you to." 

Phil looked down at Dan, who was dry humping the air at this point, his cheeks burning red. He sat up and gulped in Dan's lips with his own. Having them both moan into the other's throat. Phil's trembling hands found the top of Dan's pants and slipped them inside, finding Dan's cock resting against his pelvis. He started to stroke it, making Dan shy away from Phil's lips to pant into Phil's shoulder. Phil stayed silent, studying Dan's pants and moans as key to when he was ready. He teased a bit. Slowing his hand motion and making the rhythm uneasy. Dan gave out a shiver from his shoulders, bucking his hips into Phil's hand simply wanting more. One thumb stroke over Dan's slit and he was cumming without the demand. Heavily breathing as he realized he was letting go into his pants. Phil giggled.

"How should we play tonight, bear?" Phil asked, gaining his dominance. He started to nip at the skin of Dan's neck, he could feel goosebumps outline his skin. 

"I don't. Want to play.  _ah._ " Dan forced his eyes shut as Phil picked up speed and slowed down unexpectedly. 

"Aww. No toys? No ribbons?"

"N-no." Dan panted, he let in a deep breath, "just your hard cock Daddy." They made eyes again, having Phil's stomach burst with butterflies and having his head go light again. 

"Okay my little prince. Whatever you say." Phil released his hand from Dan's cock and took him by the hand. Leading them into their bedroom. Phil ditched his underwear and got on all fours, leaving Dan's legs to drape over the side of their bed. Phil pulled his pants down, along with his underwear, in a swift motion. Seeing Dan's dripping cock left Phil hungry, like he was seeing his dinner from earlier for the first time. He let up slowly, kissing the inside of Dan's thighs and meeting at his tender balls. His tongue played with them, having Dan moan in concentrated breaths. "Don't hold back tonight bear. It's okay." He watched as Dan stretched himself out on their bed, raising his hands above his head as Phil continued southward. Meeting the opening of his asshole and licking the outside with his tongue. Without even asking for it, Dan flipped the lube onto the floor and Phil grabbed it and uncapped it like instinct. He dripped a little down Dan's shaft and balls, watching it drip across and in between his ass. 

Phil's knees eventually gave out and stood up with both of them popping. He gave a stroke of his own erection, sending a shudder as it was sensitive enough already. He rimmed in between Dan's cheeks, wanting him to feel himself grow. Phil's already sticky and wet hands trailed up and down Dan's torso, lightly tickling at his tummy with his finger nails. Dan giggled through the pleasure. 

Their penises met again, rubbing against each other in a slow rhythm that was more pleasurable than looking for a straight end to their arousal. Phil buried himself into the crook of Dan's neck and Dan's hands clapped at the contact of Phil's back. They were slow, taking each other in like they hadn't in years. It wasn't fast, but it also wasn't too slow for it to be a tease. It was just the right amount of love and affection between their two hard dicks. 

Phil kissed Dan's lips again, dragging and holding onto them longer than they should have. They studied each other's desperate eyes as the pink of the wine still flushed against their cheeks. "Would you like to or shall I?" Phil asked, having his hands be supported under Dan's armpits, still wetly grinding against each other. 

"You." Dan breathed, "You're better, you're not as aggressive as I am.  _ahh. hhhh"_  Phil got onto the bed, resting on his knees as Dan flipped himself over, hugging a pillow for support and showcasing his ass to Phil. He leaked lube onto his cock and rubbed it lazily, having a finger, then a second, guide their familiar way into Dan's hole. He clutched his moan into his pillow. 

"Aww now Daniel I said to not hold back love." 

"I-I know. It's habit."

"It feels good to let go, doesn't it?"

"Y-yes it does." 

Phil smiled adding a third finger, finding Dan not holding back, and even giving into it a bit. Adding more emphasis to his moans than the usual. Making Phil nearly cum on the  _sight_ of his position, and the sounds weren't helping. He drew back his fingers and grabbed a hold of Dan's hips. "Ready?"

" _Oh god just fuck me please_ " He whined, knowing he was being extra. Phil stopped.

"Let's not role play. Let's just be normal." 

"What the fuck is normal?  _AHHHhhhh"_ Phil slid all the way into Dan without warning, knowing it would shut him up with the monologue. He slammed himself in a few more times, knowing Dan was being genuine. " _Huhhh. Ahhhgg. Guhhh"_ He moaned louder and louder. Phil wrapped himself around Dan, letting his hips do most of the work. His fingers flicking his nipples and his nails trail down his torso, known to be making marks. Dan's hand found his own cock, stroking vigorously. "Go slower go slower." Dan panted, having his own hand do the same on his own cock. Phil obeyed. Slowing his movements to memorize every vein and every detail inside Dan's ass. Phil let out a low groan. 

They let their minds go blank and their breaths cover the room. Their mouths couldn't find words to dirty talk as it took away from the moment. The first time in months they were having sex and it actually felt  _good._ It felt like it was leading somewhere, and having them grow closer listening to each of their wants and needs. Phil knew he hit Dan's spot, making Dan cry out " _FUCK! Oh. Yeahhh_ " Phil continued at the pace he had going, making sure to hit that spot again and again. "I'm gonna cum,  _oh fuck_ I'm gonna cum" a shudder ran through Dan's skin as his dick began to shoot white ribbons into their duvet they've washed a multitude of times. Dan moaned out his orgasm until his voice was hoarse and just breathing heavily. Phil wasn't far behind. Realizing that the pace and the rivets of Dan's clenched ass made it harder to hold back. He wasn't really trying to. Involuntarily Phil's hips were bucking and his breath was uneasy, cumming with a groan inside Dan, feeling warm and tingly. 

"Oh my god." Phil let out, letting their hands and knees give out as they crashed into the bed. Their heavy breathing in sync. 

"That was amazing."

"Best we've had in months." 

Phil let himself go and watched Dan trail off to the restroom to clean himself up. Phil grabbed a towel he had found on the floor and began to dab up the mess on the bed. His knees still a bit weak and his cock still on fire. 

"I think it was because we weren't trying." Dan slurred from the toilet, letting it flush. 

"Yeah, I agree." 

Dan grabbed Phil's forearm and made him stand level with Dan. Wrapping his arms around his shoulders and inviting him in for another tongue dancing kiss. Their eyes closed as their hips swayed, letting both their naked and slightly half-hard dicks nudge against each other. 

"Shall we see how much wine we still have in us?"

Phil's skin spiked up and his cock ground against Dan's, they were both giggling. "Of course" He replied, shuffling their way into the bathroom and starting the shower. Ready to see where the rest of the night would take them.


	5. What happened to you will happen to me (and that's okay)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was a peaceful night was now cut abruptly as Dan soon discovers he's sick. Phil steps in as Dan is completely vulnerable in this state and needs to be nursed back to health, let alone back to sleep in their own bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TW** Vomit mentions and descriptions

It was peaceful and dark, their bed was particularly warmer than the usual. The day beforehand was nothing more than ordinary and in fact they never even left their front door. Phil burrowed himself deeper into the sheets, taking in the warmth and Dan's smell on the other side of the bed. He could hear him breathing. His own sleep cycle was nearing to a sudden end as the dip in the bed started to be more restless. Phil could feel the deep breaths coming from Dan's side, and how suddenly he was sitting up. He groaned. Phil's eyes still closed he wanted to reach out and make sure he was okay, but then he was gone. 

Phil's eyes opened as he heard the bathroom door close shut and Dan's figure was no where to be found. He pushed his hair away from his face, soon hearing a distressed Dan being sick in the bathroom. Phil's heart thudded in his chest realizing what was happening, he sprung out of bed and tiptoed to the door, slightly knocking. "Dan?" He let out of his mouth in a sleepy tone. He pushed the door open to see Dan on his knees and his head in the toilet. He was vomiting. "Aww no." Phil murmured walking over to him and lightly patting his back. He was sweaty and very warm, even through his shirt Phil could feel Dan practically boiling. He continued to lightly stroke the upper half of Dan's back as he flushed the toilet, letting the lid of it close and resting his face on the cool porcelain.

"Ugh." Dan spat, wiping a few beads of sweat from his brow. 

"What happened?" 

"I dunno. I was fine earlier." 

"What did you eat?" 

"Nothing more than what you ate." He let a silent burp guide its way from his mouth, he winced at the taste.

"You haven't had anything to drink have you?"

"Just one beer with dinner." His voice was wavering and hoarse. He was struggling to even put simple words together. Phil never left his hand from his back, and had his second hand meet Dan's hairline. 

"You're burning up." Phil added. Dan groaned under his touch, trying to pry his face away but melting under Phil's cold fingers. "C'mon back to bed." He swung Dan's arm around him and kept both of their weight steady. Dan removed his shirt and climbed back into bed. Phil fluffed his pillows and tucked both sides of the duvet under him. Dan shivered. "I'm going to make you some tea." He cupped Dan's sweaty face and he smiled weakly. He ran to the bathroom first to dampen a rag and placed it on Dan's forehead. He shivered again. 

Making tea felt like ages. The clock barely stroke 2 and Phil hoped Dan would be fast asleep before even getting the chance to drink it. The door squeaked as he entered to see Dan sat upright and staring into middle space. Phil pouted slightly, noticing the pale-green color in his face and his brown irises were darker than usual. 

"Take some sips of this, hopefully it'll help" He added honey and milk for extra flavor. Dan took the mug with shaky hands, gingerly touching the lip of the mug and sipping lightly. He looked up at Phil with bags under his sickly eyes. He smiled. 

"Thank you." He whispered. Setting the mug on his nightstand, Phil tucked him in again and kissed his burning forehead. 

Phil climbed back into bed watching him, noticing that Dan was completely out of it. "You want to cuddle?" Phil asked in his softest tone. 

"I don't want to get you sick."

"I don't care. If it'll make you feel better than that's okay." Phil scrunched his pillows closer to Dan and wrapped his arm around him, having Dan's head rest on his shoulder. Phil petted lightly down his arm and shushed him, feeling him tremble under his touch. "You've got a bad fever, love." 

Dan sniffed and started to breathe heavy again. He broke Phil's embrace to take another sip of the tea and set it down abruptly. "Oh fuck" He muttered, covering his mouth and racing to the bathroom. Phil's stomach dropped. It was going to be a long night. 

He walked into the bathroom and turned on the light, watching Dan on his knees again make a mess into the toilet bowl. Phil's frown grew, reaching his hand back to Dan's bare back and rubbing it. "You got a pretty bad bug." Phil said. All Dan could do was moan. His face was pale but his eyes were red, wet with frustration and guilt. 

Phil stayed close all night, knowing that as soon as he moved away Dan whimpered as his body needed the warmth. He couldn't fight his fever and was sweating through the sheets, but yet he was so cold. Phil watched the clock tick through the night, silently wishing Dan was actually getting sleep from time to time. When light snores escaped from Dan's rancid breath, Phil took that time to remake the cold tea and to freshen his glass of water. Returning back to the room he saw that the bed was empty, knowing Dan was hunched over the toilet yet again for the fourth time. He set the drinks down on Dan's side table and watched him emerge from the bathroom. Pale and wobbly in the knees. Phil gravitated toward him and swooped him in for a hug. Dan's body heat radiating through Phil's pyjamas. 

"It's okay." Phil whispered, stroking the back of Dan's sweaty head. "Want me to draw you a bath?" He didn't respond. His shaking had finally stopped but he was so winded that he nearly collapsed in Phil's arms. He walked him over back to their bed and tucked him in once again. Finding the rag from before and dampening it with cold water. Dan sipped his new tea again, this time enjoying it. "I'm going to make you soup." 

Dan looked up at him, "Phil it's half four in the morning." 

"You need something in your system or else your stomach is going to eat itself." 

Dan looked disgusted, setting the mug in his lap, "I don't want soup. I'll just throw it back up again." His voice sounding strained. 

"Well you need something. Do you want cereal? Some toast at least?" 

Dan winced at the thought of food, his hand immediately petting his sore belly. He set the mug on the side table and tucked his arms under the covers. Phil gave in and kissed his forehead. 

"I'm making you soup." He finally said leaving the room. Putting on the stove and some of Dan's favourite store bought soup. While it was cooking he peeked in the crack of the door, hearing the faint sound of Dan snoring peacefully. He returned back to the kitchen quickly lowering the temperature as the soup was about to overflow. The spoon missed the counter and crashed onto the floor, causing Phil to bend to get it and burning his hand on the side of the pot. He then hit his head on the open cabinet up above and cursed under his breath. He knew that Dan was silently laughing at him. Even if he was asleep. A blush spread across his face as he poured the soup into a bowl and grabbed two slices of toast from the toaster and headed back into their bedroom with napkins in hand. 

Dan was awake slightly gagging over the smell. "I told you I'm not eating soup." He frowned, watching Phil place it on the nightstand. 

"Just a sip at least." 

Dan's expression softened knowing he was going to lose either way, he took a sip and swallowed. Feeling the warmth trail down his body. He forced a smile across his cheeks and tears started to flood his eyes. 

"What? What's wrong?" 

"You're so good to me." Dan sniffed, having tears line his cheeks as he took another sip from the spoon in Phil's hand. It wasn't until after the fifth sip that he made Phil stop, knowing that in fact it was coming back up. He pushed the covers off and hauled back to the bathroom. His stomach retching and both his hands folded across his torso. Phil was two steps behind, letting his nails scratch the skin of Dan's back. Dan flushed the toilet, closed the lid, and cried into Phil's arms. 

"It's alright. It's okay." Phil hushed, trying his best not to gag over Dan's horrid bile breath. 

"It hurts" he cried, feeling the trembling return to his muscles. 

"Hey at least after this, maybe you'll have a six pack." Phil joked, hoping to lighten the mood. Dan giggled into his shoulder. "Let's draw a bath okay?" 

Bubbles outlined the tub as Dan sank slowly into it. Phil handed Dan some peppermint gum to chew on and take his mind away from anything else. While Dan sat Phil brought him some water and began to pour water over Dan's shoulders. His eyes appearing pink again. 

"I can wash myself y'know." 

"I know but just let me do it." 

"okay." Dan gave in. He let Phil wash him. He started to sing his silly songs and Dan couldn't help but smile. He drained the tub and Phil wrapped a towel around him. Wiping him dry and kissing various parts of his weak body. 

Phil tucked him in one last time and pushed the hair from his face, sighing over the fact that the clock read 6 am. 

"I'm sorry." Dan uttered weakly.

"Why?" Phil sighed again, crawling into bed. Internally begging that Dan could stay put this time. 

"For being sick and making you do everything." 

Phil drew closer to him, pulling him deeper into the sheets. His breath some how calming Phil down, easing him closer to sleep. "It's okay. I don't mind. Whatever I can do to make you feel better is a pleasure." 

He watched Dan smile and pet Phil's face with the backside of his finger. Making Phil practically purr, "You're just going to get sick though." 

"Probably, but then it's your turn to take care of me." Phil kissed the tip of his nose, aching for his mouth but he avoided it. Dan smiled again. 

"I'd love to take care of a sick Philly any day of the week." 

"Are you feeling better at least?"

"somewhat." 

"Good. Now let's see how long you can sleep for." Phil swatted away a stray hair from his face, petting the top of his head and watching his eyes close with a smile on his face. 

"I love you." Dan whispered, "thank you." 

"You're welcome love." He replied, finding his head falling deeper and deeper into his pillow. He clutched a hold of Dan's clammy hand before drifting off to sleep. 


	6. I get that I don't get it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil rarely suffers from sleep paralysis, but when he does it's violent. Phil is in an unstable state as Dan tries to coax him back down to reality in the most comforting way he can.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly inspired by dodies song "secret for the mad" 
> 
> -prepare for it to get quite emotional & violent-  
> **mentions of blood, death, and the state of panic**

Having nightmares was always a duel act; it never truly went unnoticed throughout the nights that either of them were suffering from another sensed reality of subconscious. Phil's dreams, though, were always the most abstract and terrifying. He warned Dan the first nights of sleeping together all those years back that something might trigger a sense of discomfort and how Phil came out of them was always unsettling for anyone nearby. 

"My mum claimed that I had sleep paralysis as a kid," Phil explained after a first of many episodes that Dan had to witness, "it's one of the worst things your mind could ever do to you." 

Dan didn't at all mind that Phil suffered from harsh nightmares from time to time. He found it a feature to love a little bit more about the curious being of Phil Lester. He loved thinking it was something he could be of use for and help bring Phil down from an episode. It was terrifying he could admit, witnessing someone in so much peril and unable to stop it naturally, but he took it upon himself that it was part of someone he loved dearly, and has gotten treatment for. As Phil grew older, he found himself lucky as the nightmares started to decrease in a bi-annual manner upon study and from doctor's monitoring, but even his own medication couldn't totally wipe them from his mental state. And the fewer he had, the more intense they got.

Dan got caught up in Wikipedia odysseys and reddit disputes one night, realizing that it was close to rounding to the hour of 4 am. Tucking into the sheets he watched Phil's shoulders breathe in and out as he was completely out a matter of hours ago. Light snores escaping his mouth and a comfortable warm silence Dan peacefully tucked himself into. Before Dan could meditate himself to complete sleep, the bed started to shake. His heart beating out of pattern as he could hear Phil suddenly panting. Dan switched on the light and watched Phil furrowing his eyes and beads of sweat rolling from his hairline. 

"Oh shit." Dan mumbled as he gently tried to rock Phil back and forth. It did nothing. Phil soon then started to whine and scream softly, sounding as if restrained. His breathing was labored and heavy, having his mouth open but only to have near-silent screams escape. 

"N-no! No!" Phil cried, reaching a low growl and his head moving from side to side.

"Phil. Phil it's just a dream. Phil, honey." He knew this didn't help Phil in anyway, but it wasn't something that happened on a normal basis. He watched as Phil's demeanor completely changed and his breathing was settled. Dan stopped momentarily and gazed at Phil's poorly lit face. Tears leveled and leaked from his closed eyelashes, trailing down his temples and absorbing into the pillowcase. Dan could feel his stomach settle like a rock. A sudden gasp took Dan out of his skin as Phil sat himself upright and a hand on his chest. He let out two deep breathes before busting down into a full on sob. "Hey," Dan spoke softly, taking Phil in without asking. He cried harder into Dan's shoulder, wrapping his arms around him tightly.

Dan stayed silent and held onto a mess of a Phil who seemed like he was almost grieving. A heavy, upset, uncontrolled sob leaving Phil's mouth and into the naked clavicle of Dan. It was never a good thing to see Phil so upset and for no particular reason at all. He knew this time it was a bad one and Dan kept his curiosity at bay while combing his fingers through Phil's sweaty hair. 

He tried to manage words from his blubbering lips, but they were incoherent. Dan shushed him, humming a tune while swaying him gently in his arms. Phil then pushed him away and screamed, covering his face with his hands and crying harder, nearly making himself sick. Dan's lip began to quiver seeing him so frustrated. Phil turned on his own light, padding the night table with his fingers. Dan can feel Phil shaking from the mattress. He buried his face in his hands again, sniffling heavily. 

"Oh my god, oh my god. Fuck." Phil groaned. His voice hoarse and shaky, still having tears stream down his face. He looked over at Dan who was completely upright and shaken as well. Phil frowned, inviting himself in again, unable to control the emotion leaving his body. Dan kissed the side of his messy knotted hair and began rocking him once again. 

"You don't have to explain it if you don't want to." Dan whispered, stroking Phil's head. He shook within his arms.

Phil took a deep breath, having his sigh wisp across Dan's arm hair, "there were multiple of them this time. Around our bed, the door, even coming in through the window." His voice wavering. "I couldn't move. I wanted to scream." 

"You did shout 'no'." Dan weakly replied, knowing that it wasn't helping. 

"They had killed you, and stuck a bag over my face." He trembled, "my hands were coated in blood. I think it was your blood." 

"Phil, it's alright." 

"They were torturing me. Drawing knives against my skin. I was dying Dan." He cried, reliving his horrible nightmare. "I couldn't breathe or move or think." It had been a while since there was an outcome like this. Dan tucked him in closer, making sure Phil could hear his eradicating heartbeat. He kissed the top of Phil's head again.

"I'm sorry," was all he could muster out.

"Oh god." Phil drew a hand to his face again, "it's been a while since I've had one that bad."

"Should we call up Dr. Culver again?" Dan added, not leaving even an inch of space between them. He could feel Phil shake his head.

"No, it's been a long time, things have been getting better I feel like."

Dan began humming a gentle tune while Phil steadied his breaths. Tears were still seeping out of his eyes and Dan had to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. After a few minutes it seemed like Phil was coming back down, but a sudden sob ripped through his shoulders again. Having his tears pool on the surface of Dan's freckly skin.

"Why do you love me?" He cried into him. Dan's already heavy chest sunk lower. "I'm such a mess why do you still love me? Why haven't you kicked me out? Or put me in a mental hospital?"

"I would never do that to you." He spoke gently, feeling the lump in his throat form without warning, "I love you so much because you're my best friend Phil."

"I'm your best friend who has a mental problem that prohibits himself to sleep." 

Dan frowned, fixing his position and giving Phil a chest-to-chest hug in their bed. He hated this part about Phil's episodes if they ever occurred. They completely change his state of mind that Phil seemed to never have, "You have been receiving help for many years, love. You do not disappoint me. You are so creative and wonderful and nothing on this planet could ever take you away from me." He swallowed, "Also if you think you should be in a mental hospital what am I to you then, huh?" He stated, knowing now wasn't the place. Dan cringed at his own thought process as his lip quivered against Phil's ear, tears inevitably escaped his ducts. Phil's hands rolled into fists against Dan's shoulder blades, crying into his shoulder. 

"They were whispering to me, saying that I deserved it." 

"Deserved what?"

"To live without you." 

Dan clutched onto Phil even more tightly than he thought he could. "Nothing will take me away from you. Phil Lester, I will gladly spend every minute of my entire life with you. Don't let anyone else, including yourself, tell you otherwise." He swallowed, taking in Phil's distressed state, silently praying that he could believe him, "I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too." Phil cried out. He could feel Dan's fingernails pet his back softly. In slow patterns of comforting trails leading to nowhere. 

Dan, often more times than not, wished he could take any sort of pain away from Phil. Nights like these don't happen often, but they changed Phil's character drastically. "I get that I don't get it. I probably never will understand what it is you go through, but I'll be here for you every second of every day." 

"What if this happens to me when you're not around." he muttered, "they're so fucking scary..."

"That'll never happen." 

"What if they keep coming back?" 

"They won't. They haven't for six months. And if they do we'll fight back. But right now let's try to get through this one night." 

Phil deeply sighed, still in the embrace of Dan's arms. He opened his eyes and focused on the light, then on the objects around the room. The familiar smell of the atmosphere and Dan's skin. He unlocked the hug to vividly see Dan's face. Wet brown eyes and a curling smile developing from his lips. 

"There's no one here but us." Whispered Dan, soon being pulled in to a kiss. Phil's lips were sloppy as it wasn't meant to be romantic. It was as if a tether to reality. His weeping smile broke the kiss as their foreheads rested against each other. 

"Thank you," Phil whispered, drawing in a sniff.

"I'll always be here for you." Dan's hands petting at Phil's natural sides, drawing his chin up again and kissing the moisture from Phil's mouth. 

After twenty minutes of fully recovering, Dan went to fetch some water while Phil jotted down the date and time the events took place, detailing it minimally. Dan kissed Phil's forehead as he handed him the glass of water. Taking in gulps rather than sips. It wasn't long until they were laced in each other's arms again covered by sheets.

"Tell me a story." Phil whispered, noticing that Dan kept his light on this time. 

"Well," He pondered for a moment, "how about a time in the future where we walked into a shelter and look at all the cute puppies?"

Phil's smile radiated into Dan's heart, "I like the sound of that."

"what's the first puppy we see?"

"Probably a German Shepard."  

Dan nearly laughs, "really? Your first thought of the first dog we see is a German Shepard?"

"Well, yeah, because our first dog isn't going to be the first one we see."

"Good point. I like German Shepards though, they're pretty and intelligent." 

"Have you thought of any other good names? I quite like Bashful."

Dan giggles, "Bashful? Like the dwarf?"

"Bashful isn't a dwarf."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not, there's Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy--"

"Bashful"

"Shit you're right." Phil giggles slightly. 

"Maybe the cute little mongrel can be our dwarf named Bashful." 

Phil nestles into the crook of Dan's neck and exhales a long sigh, "Maybe" he says, soon realizing he was drifting back asleep in the warmth of Dan's embrace. 


	7. Can't stop this pendulum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan has been left alone as Phil ventured up to the north for a family outing. His thoughts rested uneasy and he couldn't find an outlet to stop them. Dan tries to distract and drown his thoughts but it only seems to make things worse as Phil calls him knowing he needs reassurance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Dan gets super emotionally drunk.

He could see the railings that led down to the train station, his hands balled into fists nestled into his pockets and a thin shiver ran up his back. Creating small goose bumps dotting along his skin. His phone vibrated against his fingertips abruptly, his feet immediately pivoting against the pebbled pavement as he read the caller ID. 

"Hello." He sang with a sigh as he answered, walking back towards the way he came.

"Guess what you forgot." His mum giggled on the other line, "I won't lie, I kind of enjoy it when you forget your things. Makes me feel important." 

Dan chuckled, "I think you like it because it makes me seem like a fucking idiot." 

She laughed, "Not necessarily, I just enjoy seeing my adult son all flustered and red with humiliation when his mother calls him to collect his things. Brings back memories." 

"Yeah yeah yeah. I'll be back in ten" He smiled briefly before ending the call. 

Dan latched onto the front door of his childhood home and opened it, wiping his feet before entering. His mum appeared around the corner with a smug look on her face as he handed back his jacket he kept forgetting. "I don't know how you didn't notice. Isn't it chilly?" 

He shrugged, "It wasn't that bad." 

"I'm glad I caught you before you were on the train at least." 

He swept his arms through the sleeves and adjusted his shoulders to fit into the comfort of the jacket. It wasn't his favorite, which he could blame Phil for, as he packed it away and took it with him to the north. Dan let out a low sigh involuntarily. He could feel the steadiness of his mother's eyes studying him as he stood awkwardly in the entry way of his old home. He met eyes with hers, feeling a twinge of warmth and humiliation boil in his stomach. 

She was shorter than him, beautiful, aging quite nicely. Growing up might have been tough around the most parts, but he loved his mother. Learning how to grow a new trust with his parents was a skill he adapted from the time being with the Lesters. He knew he needed it. He grew accustomed to it. But he knew his parents weren't the ones he'd turn to if he was struggling. Dan's mind wandered, missing his other half of his family and wishing his thoughts could break into words. The currency of events shot through his brain as he realized Phil was there with them. Without him. Enjoying time together. He could feel his demeanor change as he stood defenseless in front of his mother, reliving childhood memories of standing in the exact entry way, tears in his eyes and bruises on his legs. Her hand met his cheek, he cradled into it. 

"Why didn't you go with him? How long has he been away?" She spoke softly. Dan's chest tightened. 

"He's been out for three days. It's a weird family reunion thing he's at. They'd ask lots of questions, social interaction with strangers, it wouldn't have been good if I was there." 

"So you let him go alone? Families and partners do things together." 

Dan frowned, "Don't make it seem like I'm the bad guy, Phil wanted to go." 

Dan's mum took her hand back, folding it with the other in front of her chest. "Okay." she let out. 

He scoffed, "believe me, we were arguing about it like all week." 

"You don't have to explain. Just as long as you're okay." She cupped his arm and gave a little comforting squeeze. 

He met eyes with her again, forcing out a weak smile, "I'm okay. We're okay." The words tasted bitter. He hugged her tight before leaving yet again.

Dan's mind flooded with thoughts over the last week. Shrill voices over counter tops, slamming doors, awkward silences, and even more awkward morning stares. It wasn't the worst argument they had, they talked it out like they always did. But the uncertainty of being alone with the thoughts of having it all go wrong made Dan squeezed his eyes shut. The context and the situation made it seem worse. Wishing his mind could blank to the white of his knuckles gripping the railing keeping his balance on the moving train. 

 _It's stupid. This is stupid. He's fine. We're fine. Why does my mind always route to this exact scenario? He's not leaving me. He's not leaving me, right?_ The one sided conversation in his head started to play. Feeling the muttering within his chest and the stares of others every time he shook his head. He walked off the train towards home, bounding in short slow motions. His mind had other things to clear before the creating the appropriate walking speed to his legs. 

The lift felt bigger, the corridor to their front door felt more harsh due to the florescent lighting. He chimed the key and welcomed himself home even though home was no where to be found. Dropping his bag at his feet and kicking off his shoes he absentmindedly changed into one of Phil's t shirts on the floor and freed his legs of pants. He drew the blanket off the bed and draped it around his shoulders, walking around the house like a cloaked millionaire with a cheap monologue at the top of a grand staircase.

His thumbs were ordering a pizza and his hand reaching for a cold beer from the fridge. It wasn't until he was being blinded by dripping sunlight through the crack of the curtains that he noticed he was sitting staring into middle space to nothing. He stayed though, in the warmth of the strip of sun on his face. Feeling it absorb into his pores, wanting it to travel throughout his body. He finished his bottle dry and placed the glass bottom on the coffee table in front of him. His attention drawn to his phone lit up on the sofa next to him. 

 **Phil Lester:**  
**_I'm being shoved into socializing  
_ **  
****_Send help!_

**_No aunt Julia I don't want to see pics of ur husbands infected mole on his back  
_ **

**_fml  
_**  
**_I will either die by pungent perfume of my relatives or drown in my tears that are now beer and cheap shots brought from the uni kids? Stay tuned.  
_ **  
_**where r u?**  
_ _  
_ ****_miss u_

A smile appeared on Dan's face as he sank into the couch. Hesitating on what to say back. 

 **D: _i miss you too_** was all he could manage. Phil's speech bubble popped up almost immediately. 

**Phil Lester:  
_How was mum?_**

**D: _she was fine. I forgot my jacket again._**

**P: _How do you do that?_**

**D:** _**because you took my good one** _

**P: _No I didn't_**

**D: _yes you did you took my black soft one. I looked around for ages and I saw you pack it two days ago_**

**P: _This one?_** He sent a photo of him wearing the jacket, smiling with Martyn standing over his shoulder. 

Dan's smile turned more into a pout, missing his family as he was home alone. Not enjoying the silence as much as he'd like to. 

**D: _miss you._**

Nightfall drew and his pizza now had been a grease stained box. He struggled keeping count as he noticed the beer and cider bottles lining the edge of the coffee table. One, two, three, four, he knew there were too many. The tv was on but he wasn't listening. Fuzziness swarmed his body and his head was swimming. Mixing thoughts and ideas together. Eyeing his filming camera on the other side of the room and drawing up the courage to sit in front of it and talk to waste time, but he didn't. Dan dragged his body to sit in front of his computer and to open the lasted gaming video he had been editing. His chin rested in his palm as he swiftly clicked through filters and visual effects he could add, but he didn't change anything. He let out a sigh, biting the numbness of his lips. 

Hours were spent sat in the same position, reading lines again and again until they finally made sense. Re-editing mistakes, clipping time, and adding emphasized zooms onto Phil's face. The night of them resettling their argument crept back to his drunken mind. Cringing at the memory but it wasn't going away. He saved his progress and closed the program, feeling the pops of his back and legs as he lifted himself out of the chair to get some water. Trying to drown the unforgiving thoughts, but it didn't do anything. 

He stared into space again, hearing the thoughts and the words play through his mind. Listening to them criticize him. He checked his phone but there was no new update from Phil. He contemplated on distracting himself with more work and burying into emails that needed to be answered, but he let the swirliness of his mind take advantage of him. Plopping down in front of the tv and turning on Netflix. 

He started mindlessly browsing. Hesitating over selected options and even reevaluating his list that was set for the both of them to watch together. He frowned, missing the warmth that was to his left. Someone to agree with. "Sad Movies" was a category that flashed across the screen, lifting his brow with interest. He skimmed the titles and brief summary before pressing play on a foreign film he had never seen before. 

By the first twenty minutes he knew it was a bad idea. But he couldn't draw himself to stop it. He watched as the characters met and interacted. The man played the piano and the girl was deaf, and yet she could still hear every note he played for her. Dan's own mind wandered over to his piano abilities, feeling the self loathing the he would never be good enough. The film progressed just like their relationship did. The girl's controlling relationship with her mother was something Dan could relate to. A lump in his throat started to form as the film took a wicked turn, resulting in illness that wasn't expected. 

The film ended heartbreaking; what was supposed to be a shared miracle was indeed ended on a sad note. Traumatizing and soul numbing. Well too infested, Dan found himself curled up in blankets sobbing. Drowning in heaviness and guilt that he shouldn't be feeling. The girl had just lost the love of her life after something miraculous happened to her. She had no one to share her adventure with, no one to call home, nothing. The film tried to end on a lighter note but Dan didn't take it. Watching the credits roll he looked over to the lights on in the kitchen. Watching them sway in blurs from his vision. His throat burned and was tight. 

 **D: _i did something stupid again_** He slammed his phone on the coffee table as he buried his head into a cushion on his lap and groaned "Fuck! shut up, shut up, shut up!" He mumbled, tasting the spit puddled in his mouth. 

 **P: _More than the usual?_  **He knew he was joking but it didn't crack a smile. 

**D: _i watched a super sad movie._**

**_I love you._** He sent the last text with no hesitation. Feeling the humiliation flood to his head again realizing he was still drunk. 

 **P: _How much have you had to drink tonight?_** Phil texted back with a lot of reassuring emojis.

**D: _idk. too much probs_**

**P: _Please don't be moping._**

Dan didn't know what to say after that. His thumbs twidled over the keyboard but they had nothing to say. Guilt rose to his chest again as he felt the hot rising to his face. He started a sentence and then deleted it. He tried rephrasing his words again until he gave up and sent a stupid statement that he knew Phil could read through. 

**D: _im not._**

He ruffled his fingers through his hair once before he could see himself on the screen. The red decline button was never the answer, even in a muddled mindset he knew that. 

"I don't believe you." Phil said in a low tone. He was in a hotel room and his headphones were on. 

"I'm alright." Dan's voice broke, forcing out a weak chuckle. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Nothing." 

"No, tell me." 

Dan contemplated his words, he didn't really know how to state his well being. "It's just been one of those days." 

He watched Phil leave his shared room and sit out in the hallway. "I'm sorry you had a shitty day." Phil's voice was full of sincerity. 

"How was the thing?" Dan cleared his throat, knowing that his face and eyes were still red and puffy. 

"Eh it was adequate. Got a bit of buzz but that died like an hour ago." 

"Did anyone ask where I was?" 

"Besides my parents, no." They sat in silence for a bit. Monitoring each other's faces over the screen. It was the most comfortable Dan had been all day. 

"Ugh, God I wish this pendulum in my head would stop." Dan brought a hand to his head, knowing Phil couldn't hear what his thoughts were saying. 

"I wish I was there, honestly." 

"I'm sorry." Dan broke out

"Why?" 

"Because I started this whole fucking thing. I should've just gone with you. I'm sorry." Thoughts swimming in his tipsy mind met his expression as tears swelled in their ducts again. Phil grew a frown. 

"Dan, Dan. Hey. No it's not." His voice was low and soft.

"Yes it is, I should've gone with you. That was very selfish of me." 

"You didn't want to go. I don't have to force you into things you don't want to do. I knew I had to go, so I did." 

"Yeah, but that's what partners do, we stick together and help each other." Dan was crying again, feeling vulnerable even knowing it was a private conversation. 

Phil nearly chuckled, "You're still my partner Dan." 

"Yeah but for how long? How long 'til I mess up and you leave me completely?" 

"What?"

"These, fucking-I-I can't lose you. I wouldn't be able to function or think or-"

"Dan, Dan! Calm down! I'm here! I'm not going anywhere you know that. What's all this about?" 

He coughed out another sob as tears made streams down his cheeks. He didn't know what to blame his current feelings on, so he wasn't going to. 

"You really think I'd leave you? We've been over this so many times." Phil almost held frustration in his voice, "I'm actually kind of hurt you'd think I'd leave you. Like actually leave you..." 

"I'm sorry." Dan cried. 

"It's one of my biggest fears to think you'd want to leave me. I don't want you thinking the same." 

"Neither do I." 

"Well then let's not." 

"Okay."

Phil stayed silent as Dan calmed himself down. He could tell Phil was thinking about something but he wasn't sure. The tears subsided as he made eyes with Phil again, patiently waiting. 

"It's been eight years you'd think we'd be over this hurdle by now. We agreed on being together forever."

"I know." 

"I guess it's just a fear we won't ever get off our backs." 

"Yeah," Dan let out a brief chuckle. 

"I love you." Phil said and meant. "I want you to take a shower, make yourself feel good again, and get into bed. I'll be home tomorrow." 

"Okay." 

"Promise me? Don't turn off lights I know how you get." 

"Okay." 

"Promise?"

Dan sighed, letting a true smile show, "I promise, mum." 

Phil smiled back, "good. I love you." 

"I love you too." Dan felt better already

They talked for a while as Phil sat out in the hallway of his hotel, making sure Dan was calming down the right way. He slandered on and on about his crazy relatives and how Dan is in for a treat the next time he meets his aunt Justice. Phil would smile with relief whenever he allowed Dan to smile and break out a few chuckles. He took the time to crack a few stupid jokes and distracted him from his swaying mind. Phil's eyes went soft as Dan let out a lion sized yawn. 

"Tired?"

"A bit" he mumbled. 

"I should probably go back in before my ass completely flattens."

"Haha that would be a treat." Phil gave him a look as he knocked on the door to be welcomed back in by Martyn. 

"Get some sleep Howell!" Muttered Phil's brother in the distance. Dan and Phil both chuckled, even though Phil was the only one who could hear it. 

"I don't want to go to bed yet." Dan said, sounding like a whiny kid. 

"You should do what I said, take a shower and make yourself feel good. I give you permission, I know what we said about doing it alone but it's fine." Phil attempted to wink, making Martyn gag. He chuckled, causing a domino effect towards Dan. 

"Okay."

"I'll be home soon. G'night." Phil smiled his peachiest of smiles. His eyes squinting and his cheeks blushed pink. Dan could feel his own eyes growing softer.

"Goodnight." He ended the call with Phil and looked around the room. Nearly giggling at himself for being so stupid and over expressive. He threw his empty bottles into the recycling bin and started the shower. Steam filmed the mirror and the spray was perfect on his shoulders. His mind was still muddled and he felt himself sway back and forth, but he was coming back from the intoxication. Working himself under the pressure of the water just like Phil told him to. It wasn't the same without him though.

He ran a towel through his dripping hair until it was only damp and threw himself to bed. Plugging his phone into the charge socket and slamming it face down on his night table. He monitored his breathing, placing the relaxing weight on his body into the comfy mattress. In and out he meditated himself to sleep, only concentrating on his breathing and Phil. Phil's face, Phil's smile, Phil's deep  _I love you._ He meditated until he felt a dip in the bed, a hand on his cheek, and a kiss on his forehead. Dan's eyelids fluttered open to see a silhouette hovering over him. A smile plastered on his face. 

"I told you I'd never leave you." Phil said as he shuffled off the bed, his bag still slung over his shoulder. He left momentarily to turn off the remaining lights in the house and shut the bedroom door behind him. The bed suddenly grew much warmer than it was. It was comforting, like a heating blanket on high during the winter. Dan watched him undress in the dark, meeting his eyes as he slid under the covers. 

"Hi," Dan whispered through a smile. His hand lacing with Phil's.

"Hi." He greeted back, intertwining their lips.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie mentioned is called Listen to your Heart  
> It's on Netflix I highly recommend it :)  
> (sorry I spoiled the ending)


	8. Hold me close, sway me more

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a night where they can't sleep after falling for a nap in the middle of the day, they optimize their time awake with a new pastime they haven't really tried before. When spending hours in each others arms pacing around their kitchen, they spark a new hobby and interest they're destined to give a try.
> 
>  
> 
> Or in short; Dan and Phil literally dancing around their kitchen the whole night

Phil's eyes blinked around the darkened room. Home he thought, feeling safe and comfortable. He stretched his toes and popped the tension in his back. He sighed deepening himself into their mattress. He watched Dan breathe soundly, in through his nose and out his mouth. Creating a whistling snore to follow. Phil smiled and rolled himself over to meet Dan's face, watching his eyes flutter open slightly due to the movement.

"Hello." He whispered. A shy smile sewed its way across Dan's face.

"Hi." He whispered back, beginning to stretch. "We shouldn't have fallen asleep. Number one rule of having naps in the day."

"I know but couldn't sleep last night. Remember" Dan slurred adjusting his pillow and cradling it in his arms.

"You feeling okay now?" Phil asked, knowing Dan's mind was running as high as a plane turbine the past day and half. He nodded while withdrawing a sigh of satisfaction.

"Much better." He started to moan obnoxiously into his pillow, Phil punched his shoulder playfully.

"You hungry?"

"Meh"

"I think it's only 9 pm we can order something. It'll take an hour to get here anyway."

"Okay," Dan said, yawning and extending his body. His arm grazing against Phil's, meeting their fingertips as they play within the sheets.

Phil took in a long gasp when he brings his phone closer to his face. His vision blurry, suddenly feeling as if he was part of a different plane.

"What?" Dan asked more concerned

"That's not right? I swear it was closer to nine pm?" Phil's voice rose, rubbing his eyes and checking again. "It's two thirty-seven!"

"What?"

"Shit."

"It's not that bad, so what it's almost three am. I'm still kinda sleepy anyway. We can go back to sleep, yeah?" Dan's words laced around Phil's head like a rope, pulling him closer to Dan's atmosphere.

"We're gonna fall into that hole and stay up all night."

"Not unless we go back to sleep" Dan exhaled, closing his eyes and burying himself into Phil's warmth. Silence draped the darkness of their room as Phil could feel Dan's breath take its slow patterns brushing against his chest. He felt his heart rate drop and enjoy his moment in the cozy silence of the night, but his eyes were wide awake. His mind dancing with ideas and voices being brought to life. His toes starting to twitch and his attention drawing imaginary figures around the room. He held onto Dan who was probably fast asleep again. His weight capturing him and tying him to their mattress. His mind redirecting his attention to things he could be doing instead of sitting in the dark with a heavy sleeping boy on top of him. Though he loved the importance he felt being Dan's personal pillow, he wanted something else to do to pass the time instead of slow minutes passing in the dark.

"You asleep?" Dan murmured, wiping his nose. A wash of relief flooded in his chest.

"No." Phil drew out. Dan sighed against his torso.

"Jesus Philly, your thoughts are loud enough to wake up the entire complex." He brushed through his hair before Phil found his hand to Dan's curly locks, massaging gingerly into his scalp. He moaned in satisfaction.

"Did you fall asleep? Because I can let you be"

"Nope. I think we're fucking doomed." Phil let out a chuckle, still fiddling with Dan's curls. "You know what we could do?" Dan's tone changed, shifting to look up to Phil with greedy eyes and his free hand trailing up to find Phil's chin. Phil smiled, but all adrenaline induced exercise involving sex was evaporated from his very soul.

"Not in the mood, sorry." He pouted. Dan's hand retracted and cuddled up more into his body.

"S'okay. I'm too lazy for that anyway." Phil scoffed, his hand still glued to Dan's head,

"Then why did you suggest it?"

He shrugged, "something to do, I guess."

They sat in silence once more, this time appreciating each other's existence. The warmth and the pressure of each other's bodies lying in bed. Dan was the first to let go, whipping the sheets away and putting on sweat pants, "The more I stay in this bed the more depressed I will be. Get up let's go make something." He threw Phil his funky patterned pajama pants and headed out of the room. Phil did as he was ordered and followed him to the kitchen.

Dan paced their kitchen, mumbling to himself on things he would rather make, "Do we just settle with cereal or make pancakes or something?"

"Flour all over the kitchen? Do you feel like cleaning?"

"I don't feel like doing anything right now." He drifted his attention to the counter, looking into middle space.

"Well we should probably eat something, as it's been hours since we last ate." Phil said walking over to Dan, drawing his eyes to his. "You hungry?"

"Starving, actually."

"Well we're gonna make something, what do we have?" They studied their pantry and their fridge like it was for an exam. Debating between two options and then blowing them both. Fajitas, sandwiches, cereal, pastries, the coin finally landed on pancakes when they noticed fresh jam and fruit in the fridge. It was the sweetest option, but also the healthier one too.

"Hey Alexa, play Dan's music" Spoke Dan to their device placed on the counter. It replied, playing some of Dan's weird trashy rap music that Phil silently agreed to listen to until he could not longer tolerate. They prepped their meal, trying to not make a mess but with purpose comes fault and they make an even bigger mess. Laughing to themselves as they scoop the batter onto the heated pan.

"Hey Alexa, play Phil's music" Phil said, changing the genre from rap to oldie's Punk Rock. Dan busted out a laugh as Mr. Brightside by The Killers played through the speakers. They bopped and nodded their heads to the beat and the guitar riffs.

"Now I'm falling asleep, and she's calling a cab,"

"While he's having a smoke, and she's taking a drag" They sang along to the words, toggling nostalgia in their minds. Extending their arms out to each other to emphasize the dramatic tone.

"And it's all in my head, but she's touching his chest now, he takes off her dress, now" Dan's hands rub anxiously against Phil's chest, leaving floured fingerprints against his grey shirt. "Let me gooo"

"I just can't look, it's killing me!" They sang, knocking over pans and boxes of fruit. Creating a loud crash and bang that would sure wake up their old neighbor’s dog.  They both silently prayed their neighbors wouldn't hear the sudden distress they were making at three in the morning.

They both looked at each other with a paranoid expression, "Alexa, play Phil's bath time playlist" He spoke to the device again.

"You made a bath time playlist?" Dan cocked up his eyebrows, fully serious.

"Yes! It's to help relax me," He pushed him with his shoulder, letting nice calming plunky-style music fill the room. Dishing up themselves some Delia Smith pancakes from the recipe they've had memorized for years.

"Whatever helps you babe." Dan said, shoveling a fork full into his mouth. Rolling his eyes to the back of his head due to foodgasm.

They ate while bobbing their heads until Perfect by Ed Sheeran switched to playing. Dan let out a groan placing his plate in the sink. "No. Nope, too overplayed." He downed his water and flipped out his phone from his pant's pocket. "Alexa play Dead Inside by Muse"

"Wow real appropriate Dan." He teased, placing his own plate in the sink. They bounced around their kitchen in oppose to actually dancing. They sang along to the lyrics, sliding in their socks against the wood. Nearly falling a couple times.

"Don't kill yourself, please." Dan laughed as Phil grabbed hold of the counter. Trying to moon walk and terribly failing.

"This isn't a great song to dance to,"

"Did you want to dance?"

"Well if you call that bobbing up and down dancing we got a problem."

Dan snorted, "You should've seen yourself!" Dan browsed through his phone looking for something with a more poppy up-beat to dance to.

"Hey Alexa, play something we can dance to" Phil said beating him to the punch. Dan rolled his eyes as Michael Buble filled in the speakers. Phil extends his hand out, "c'mon. No one's around. No one's here to judge your horrible dancing."

Dan laughed through his nose, "it's not me who should be worried about witnessing horrible dancing, Lester." He took his hand and drew their space closer, swaying ever so slightly to the beat and rhythm. Taking turns leading their feet back and forth, their arms and hands in perfect position for a salsa-type dance. 

"Don't look at your feet! Look at me!" Phil exclaimed, tossing Dan's chin up. They twirled and twirled around their breakfast bar, trying hard not to make each other laugh.

Dan wiggled his eyebrows to the lyrics, extending his arm out for Phil to spin into him. Dan was surprised when he didn't crash into anything, including himself. "Baby don't you know I love you so, can't you feel it when we touch?" Dan sang, letting his voice drop low and for Phil to spark with light laughter, "I will never ever let you go, I love you oh so much."

"This reminds me of that one time in Greece." Phil winked, having Dan swing under his arm and grab him by the waist. Their toes rocking back and forth to the steady beat. 

"Oh god, I wish we were that drunk again."

They let their spirits take control as the bridge of the song played through, having their recent memories of dancing under fairy lights in a pavilion in the moist air of their holiday away. Phil kicked out his leg out and wrapped it around Dan's waist, causing his back end to drop into a mock of "professional" dip. Dan struggling to hold back laughter as Phil's head nearly impacted the wooden floor. "You think I can catch you?"

"You did in Greece!" 

"Yeah, under the heavy influence of alcohol and around hundreds of other people who would've called an ambulance in a heart beat!" 

Phil was suddenly red faced and out of breath. He chugged down a glass of water when he saw Dan reach for his phone and browse through his selection again. "Alexa, play something we can slow dance to," His tone soft. Wiping a few beads of sweat as a cover of Latch by Sam Smith started to play through their speakers overhead. "Let's take this next round slow, love." He smiled, showing both his dimples as he drew in Phil closer than he once was.

Feeling the vibration of the syncing guitar within their own beings. Sober smiles tasting tipsy; their arms drew closer, wrapping around each other's necks. Phil, somehow, took the lead. Twirling slowly around their breakfast bar, their socked feet sliding against the wood in sync. "Now I got you in my space, I won't let go of you" Phil sang low in his voice, cracking Dan to bashful giggles.

Dan found his hands to Phil's waist, pulling him even closer, "I got you shackled in my embrace, I won't let go of you." Dan sang back, nearly at a whisper. "You nutter." He lent down into Phil's lips, soft as the first snowfall of the season. Blush pooled in their cheeks as they continued to dance around their kitchen in the soft light. Giggles fly through their teeth like they were young and in love for the first time again. Swaying as though in a royal ball, they kept their movements close but continuous.

"ow!" Whimpered Phil as Dan accidentally stood on his toe, halting their dance.

"Hey you kept swiping at my sock too!"

"Shut up you're ruining the moment." He invited himself fully into Dan's embrace, resting his head on his shoulder and their chests locking their heartbeats. They picked up their swaying hips without saying a word. Capturing each other's warmth, and listening to the lyrics. Silently reminiscing of the adventures they've had, the countless songs they've secretly danced to, and the ever-growing list to add to their many playlists.

They kept holding onto each other after the song had finished. The Scientist by Coldplay filled in the empty space, still swaying around their breakfast bar. "This song is actually really depressing."

"So are you but I still love you," Phil said, causing Dan to break into laughter.

He hugged Phil tighter than he already was. They found themselves stopped and intertwined in each other's embrace. They couldn't remember the last time they hugged for the soul purpose of a warm inviting hug. Discarding the lyrics to the song that was playing in the background, their eyes closed and their breaths inhaled. Taking each other in for a long time. Feeling each other's heartbeat. Their hands on each other's backs, their legs unbreakable. Holding onto someone precious they'd be devastated to ever lose.

"Are you sure we're not drunk?" Dan murmurer into Phil's ear, causing a laugh to escape through his nose and a smile on his face. Meeting eyes and enveloping into each other's irises. Their kiss sending lightning bugs fluttering around in their stomachs.

"It's been a long time since I've felt like this, is that sad?" Phil let out a guilty whisper, feeling Dan's fingers trail against his chin.

"No, but it's good to know that spark is still alive." Dan smiled, his dimples present. They locked their lips once more, tongues dancing to a beat of their own.

\---

It grew quiet as the night drew on, even their movements started to slow. They didn't realize they had stopped dancing until Phil's gaze was upon Dan. Lost in a tired expression underneath his eyes, yet he looked at peace. At home in the current moment of time. He sat at their breakfast bar, his hands in his lap and a mug of hot chocolate steaming from the lips of the mug. Phil weakly smiled, connecting imaginary dots with the freckles spotted across his soft skin. The soft yellow glow of light above them illuminating the room, making Dan seem more warm than he already was.

"Dan," Phil spoke softly, gathering Dan's attention as his eyes flicked over to meet his. His eyebrow cocked up on one side. Phil broke out into shy giggles looking over at Dan who looked defenseless. He always grew vulnerable when he was sleepy, and Phil adored it. It was close to early morning and the exhaustion started to swim across Dan's glossy eyes. "Do you want to go to bed love?" He shook his head and smiled. A warm dimply smile that made Phil feel extremely cozy. Like a sweet childhood memory.

After turning off the continuous stream of music coming from Alexa, they found themselves cuddled up on the couch, sinking deeper into comfort as they sat side by side, heads connecting to shoulders like they usually did. Phil turned on the tv absentmindedly and listened to the soft sounds and words the people on the screen made out. But he wasn't paying attention.

"It's nearly six, how the fuck?" Dan said, a low grumble vibrating through his throat.

"Time flies when we're having fun." Phil smiled again, his hand tugging him in closer.

"Does that mean we literally danced nearly all night?"

"It was fun. We should do that more."

"I wouldn't mind picking up a dance class again. Kinda miss it sometimes."

Phil looked down at Dan whose free hand was stroking at the loose threads of their blanket. "You miss dancing? Like in front of people?"

"Not necessarily that, just the thrill of it. The rhythm of the beat coursing through your body I guess. Having the purpose to dance"

"We can look into ballroom lessons? It can be a fun little secret." Phil's nose nudged against Dan's soft cheek, small chuckles escaped from both their lips, "It can count as exercise too."

"We'll stun everyone the next time we go to a wedding and they pull us out to the dance floor." Dan snickered, lacing his arm around Phil's torso.

"You serious?"

"Yeah. It could be fun." He lifted up his head to make eyes with Phil, "Do you want to start taking ballroom lessons?"

Phil smiled with glee, "It's something new, but it would be a blast I think."

"Then let's do it." Dan swept in to kiss Phil's prickly cheek as he hadn't shaved in a few days. His breath whistling out of his nose and down Phil's neck, making him hum.

Still flipping through channels they settle on a blank screen with a logo in an intermission. Jazzy-style music filling in the silence. Dan's eyes already drooping as the sun's dusk peeked through their curtains. Phil's hand tickling the side of Dan's back as the time kept passing by, feeling so at home as his mind danced with new thought of coupled ballroom lessons. The jazz music tying into the fantasy that could be a reality.

Something within him lit up like the warmth of the first taste of spring after a long winter. He'd be willing to do anything with Dan, and in fact he has. But dancing the night away drew something new to the table, a less humiliating and fun hobby they'd gladly show off to secluded parties. A smile grew again, feeling the heat of Dan's breath pleat through his shirt and he nuzzled his cheek against Dan's head. Closing his eyes to a new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs mentioned:  
> Mr. Brightside - The Killers  
> Dead Inside - Muse  
> Save the Last Dance For me - Michael Buble  
> Latch - Disclosure ft. Sam Smith (the cover I chose to paint this moment is from BoyceAvenue)  
> Scientist - Coldplay


	9. Comfortable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dan and Phil inhabit their hotel room after a stressful busy day at Vidcon. Over exposed to so many people was exhausting, and they unwind in the way they find the most comfortable.

Every part of their bodies ached. Their thighs and shins were burning, their back muscles were tense, and all they could think of was a hot shower. It was a long day. Socializing with too many people for their liking.

"I call it first!" Dan shouts throwing his belongings on the hotel floor and slamming the bathroom door shut. Phil suddenly felt the room drop in temperature as he pounded on the door with his palm.

"I gotta pee! This isn't fair!" He can hear Dan maniacally laughing through the wood. Phil sat at the edge of the bed. The pillow top duvet comforting every pulled ligament as he sank deeper into the mattress. He listened to the running water, cozying into the high pitch hum of the hotel's water supply at work. He let his arms rest out, laying in a star fish formation. His breathing in a comforting rhythm to his heart beat he could feel in his chest. One two Three four. One two Three four.

LA was hot. Hotter after a few drinks and returning from a room full of people. He could tell his tipsy high was fading faster than he wanted. His soles sore from walking and standing and wandering. His mentality and friendly face exhausted from forcing so many conversations. But the comfort of the moment brought tranquility to his mind. The smell of the fresh hotel linen surrounded him. The running shower and Dan's singing through the shared wall brought warmth through his bloodstream. Phil had nearly forgotten that he was talking and dancing around vlog cameras and mutuals just a few minutes ago.

"Bathroom's all yours." Dan slurred from his mouth minutes later. Phil didn't have to even open his eyes to know that his hair was up in a towel and only in boxer shorts. "You alright?"

"Mm hmm." Phil smiled, reaching his arm up for support to bring him to his feet. He closed the bathroom door and studied himself in the foggy mirror. Remembering that he desperately needed to empty his bladder.

The water pressure was fair. It wasn't their extravagant shower head back home, but it did its job. It was tall enough for him to stand up comfortably and have his entire backside under the stream. He lost himself in the moment, hearing the roar of the water hit his head, stroll through his scalp and down his face and neck. The orange tinted walls and the tiled shower brought in a warm aura that wasn't from the temperature of the shower. It was comfortable, a different kind of comfortable that Phil couldn't exactly put into words or thoughts. It was just warm and comfortable, being home away from home.

He dried himself off with the minuscule drapery that they called a towel, and wrapped his dripping hair into a headdress. He stepped into his underwear and dried off his legs and shoulders a bit more before throwing on his pajama shirt. He knew the heat later through the night would cause him to throw it off, but he was wearing it for now.

Dan was tucked in to his side of the bed, typing out something in his computer. The night table's lamp was on, cascading an orange and blue silhouette onto the side of Dan's face. Phil sat on his side, jostling Dan but he stayed still. In tune to whatever he was working on. Phil uncapped his moisturizer and squeezed out a pea size amount, rubbing it across his face and neck. He wiped his hands on the towel upon his head before adjusting himself into comfort. Reading through various messages and emails on his phone.

It was silence that didn't feel silent. Although not speaking they were still conversing. Doing different things, minds elsewhere, and yet they were still perfectly in tune with each other. Flipping through various social media sites, rereading posts that Dan and Phil had tagged each other in on Facebook, browsing through feeds and timelines, it was comfortable. Familiar. In a place that wasn't their normal routine.

Phil enjoyed the silent comfort. He appreciated it every time he noticed it was there. Remembering back at the times he wished he had the comfortable silence. In the stressful moments with people around, in the awkward situations and social interaction with strangers, he appreciated every minute in comfortable silence with the only person he has ever been the most comfortable with. He smiled as he didn't read a word of whatever was in front of him.

Dan sighed and switched his leg's position. Phil's neck started to ache and threw his towel to the other side of the room. The care of keeping wet towels off the floor didn't matter here. He joined Dan under the covers and continued to browse through his phone. He eventually drew out a tired sigh in the same octave as Dan's.

Two minutes later Dan sighed again. Phil mimicked his sigh yet again. They shared a giggle.

"I'm bored." Dan muttered closing his laptop, stretching his toes in the sheets.

"Me too."

"But I'm too sore and heavy to do anything."

"Yeah."

 A sudden growl woke in Phil's lower belly.  A smile and a magnetic connection made them silently agree on something as Dan picked up the hotel's menu that was to his left.

"I could do cheesecake and a class of milk."

"Milk for me right now wouldn't be a good idea."

"You could get juice?" Dan retaliated. Phil hesitated, looking over the menu more.

"Is it bad that I want coffee?"

Dan scoffed, "Yes. Don't even think about it."

Phil settled on a small chocolate mousse cake and brewed a cup of cheap tea from the hotel room's Keurig. It was a safe option, knowing he wasn't in the mood to be adventurous. Dan called down to the front desk ordering their snacks. They let silence captivate them again before battling for who would have to put pants on to answer the door and handle the tip. Dan lost to scissors as Phil played rock.

Dan closed the door balancing a tray of sweets in his palm. He settled himself back into bed after handing Phil his delicious treat and grabbed a hold of his own. Phil took the remote to the tv and started to browse. 

"Let's see if we can find the weirdest thing on tv." 

"Weird how?"Dan scooped a mouthful of cheesecake. 

Phil shrugged, "I dunno, something dramatic or interesting." 

American television was so strange, there were so many channels to choose from. Most of them were advertisements; incredibly detailed and brightly colored. Who knew there was ever such a thing as a toothpaste commercial? And another one and another one?

"Wait wait go back, what was that?" Dan said, tapping at Phil's arm to click back on the remote. A burly man in a black t shirt and sleeves of tattoos running down his arms was on the screen. He had spiky blonde hair and sunglasses, along with a mustache running under his nose. The camera panning to a huge portion sized dish with meat and vegetables. "Oh my god that looks amazing"

"That looks so fattening. And the cheese ugh" They sat on the food network for a bit, watching the guy exaggerate each bite he took and said the same thing over and over again about the dish, "Look he publicizes his food orgasms too!" Phil joked, shoving him slightly. Dan returned it.

Channel surfing continued when Phil couldn't take the look of fatty American food anymore, scraping his plate of what was left of chocolate mousse. A late night tv show host was on, interviewing a vague celebrity either of them had seen. When they came across a car repo show, added with a twist of trivia, they decided to call it a night. 

"I've got an itch," Phil grumbled, sitting himself up and flinging his arms around his back. He struggled, "I can't reach it!" The bed moved to Dan's body sitting up. He offered Phil to scoot closer. Immediately Dan's short nails embedded with the fabric of Phil's t shirt, scratching in the places he couldn't reach. Phil hummed with satisfaction. 

"Would you ever want to move here?"

Phil shrugged, "No, not really. Not my style of comfort you know that. I think I like New York more."

"Hmm, it feels like London, yeah." Dan kept tickling at Phil's back. Drawing imaginary lines and swirls, writing random words and scribbling messy pictures. 

"Are you drawing a house?" Phil chuckled. 

Dan smiled, "Yeah, I didn't think I was but it kinda looks like it." 

"How many bedrooms does it have?" Phil said smugly. 

Dan drew out an entire floor plan upon Phil's back with his finger. It was the one they looked at many times, two and a half bathrooms, four bedrooms, a gorgeous kitchen with high vaulted ceilings, a patio and back garden, big bright windows, a study area, and a place to hang bags right off the garage. Phil's head started to droop with every stroke Dan's finger made. He lightly palmed the small of Phil's back. "Hey, you sleepy?" 

"Hmm? Nah." He lied, his eyes already fluttering closed. 

"Can you tickle mine then? Just for a bit?" He pleaded, with a cheeky smile Phil knows he can't say no to. They switch positions and Phil takes over Dan's back with his soft nails. Swirling lazily about across his skin. "Draw something for me, I'll try and guess." 

Dan started to giggle, he knew what Phil was drawing even before he knew himself. "It's a dog" He smiled over his shoulder. 

"Okay well that wasn't original," Phil continued to add imaginary features to his drawing, a fluffy tail and big pointy ears, Dan smiled and hummed through Phil's gentle touch. A shiver coursing through his skin. "Sorry, I am being super lazy about scratching your back." 

"It's okay" Dan hummed, with absolute lust in his voice. He couldn't wipe the sudden smile off his face as he buried is face in his hands. Nearly about to cry at how much love he was feeling. How comfortable this exact moment was, as if they were back at home in the comfort of their very own bed. Instead of miles and miles away knowing fans would be scratching at the walls knowing what they were doing. Phil's hand trailed up towards Dan's neck and into his hair "Mmm" He moaned, leaning back into Phil's clammy hand massaging his scalp. His fingers trickling down his neck lightly. Shudders erupted and Dan gasped, "You know I  _hate_ that stop it!" He exclaimed, Phil let out a tired giggle. 

"Sorry, you're just so cute when you get vulnerable like that." 

Dan blushed, internally blaming it on the alcohol they had so many hours ago. "Shut up." 

They enveloped in silence again, taking in the darkness of the room. Phil's light fingertips still grazing at Dan's skin while Dan's hand found Phil's free arm, allowing light swirls to dance across the top of his veins.  The covers invited them in deeper, having their fingertips do most of the talking against each other's skin. Bouncing and tapping against Dan's chest, twirling down Phil's shoulders eventually to his hands. He kissed his knuckles down to the palm of his hand. Looking at each other in the dark of the hotel room. Phil's hand cupped Dan's face, his thumb gliding against his cheekbone ever so softly. The pull of his lips formed into a weak smile. 

"You're so wonderful." Phil whispered, "I know this hasn't been the easiest trip for you." 

Dan kissed Phil's wrist, bringing his hand away from his face and into the center of them. Their fingertips dancing a familiar rhythm. "When I'm with you, everything is comfortable. Even doing bloody nothing in a hotel room."

"I love you." 

"Well I hate you so," 

He chuckled through his nose, pulling the imaginary string between them, connecting their lips. "Goodnight you nerd." Phil whispered, cuddling into warmth for a well deserved night's rest within fresh linen sheets.


	10. He Smells like Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's nearing to Christmas up on the Isle of Man in the Lester family household; with mulled wine, full bellies, and a roasting warm fire, both the boys end up falling asleep in a tipsy trance on the floor in front of the fireplace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it is truly the end of this "saga" or "series" of little one-shots all with a similar undertone. But, of course, I think I've saved the best for last in my opinion :)
> 
> It's short, I know, definitely the shortest out of all of them, but I feel this one didn't have to be long.

Time blended into the slur of reality when the warmth flooded their tummies. Phil's mum always made the best homemade, well, everything. When it came to Christmas, the Lesters did it  _right._ And for once in a long while, Dan was gratefully accepted as part of the family for Lester Christmas traditions. 

Which was mostly eating loads of food, exchanging gifts, and watching cheesy Christmas movies together. 

They wouldn't change a thing. 

He wasn't sure when the tv suddenly turned off, he wasn't aware that the lights were dimmed, and he never realized that him and Dan had slowly sunken to the floor. Their fuzzy blanket still wrapped around their knees. Dan's entire weight pressing against Phil's side, and his doing the same. Their counterweight keeping them steady as their backs were held up by the lips of the couch. Their legs intertwined with each others. Dan's head nestled perfectly into Phil's shoulder, his hair crowning Phil's neck. His sleepy breath escaping from his mouth. A warm smile enveloped across Phil's cheeks. 

The warmth of the fireplace was still pushing outward as Phil snuggled in closer, placing his cheek onto Dan's head and closing his eyes, sketching this current memory into his brain: The cracks of the fire, the smell of the fresh mince pies that were baked hours ago, the soft sounds of Christmas music playing in the background, and Dan. The entirety of him. His weight, his soft skin, his hair, his smell, his breath, his warmth. 

_He smells like warm._

Phil wasn't completely asleep, but simply lulled into a haze of bubbling warmth. Whether it was from the cups and cups of mulled wine, the blanket, the fire, the festive season, or Dan himself, he was so  _warm._ So helplessly tranquil in a subtle state. Safe within walls and arms that were trustworthy.  He took in a sigh, breathing Dan's scent and the roast of the fire. He relaxed himself more, knowing that this was not like when they would cuddle at home. There was nothing compared to the warmth of this moment. 

Phil silently reminisced back to their old fireplace, but even in the London Apartment they have never felt this close, this snuggled up against each other, this comfortably  _warm._

"Do we wake them?" Martyn whispered

"No, no, let them sleep. They deserve the rest" Cornelia's sweet voice sang in a hushed tone.

"They look so cozy all cuddled up like that." Whispered Cath. Phil took everything he had in his power to not smile over his mother's cooing. A sudden shutter of a camera was taken, but the sound meant nothing. 

"Hopefully they wake up before they get kinked, sleeping like that." Phil could tell his dad was rubbing his belly with the tone he spoke. 

"Mum stop taking photos." 

"Happy Christmas, my boys." A sound of a blown kiss drapes across their fallen eyelids

The silent chatter eventually faded and all that was left was the sound of the dying fire and the rhythm of Dan's breathing. Phil felt Dan's hand stroke against his, adding another burst of warmth to his veins. 

" _Mmmm"_ Dan hummed, licking his lips and adjusting his head. Phil's eyes started to flutter open, smearing light and dark together in blurry vision. Phil yawned and stretched slightly, causing Dan to lift his head. His curly hair teased and his face merry with a tipsy smile. He met eyes with Phil's, watching the fairy lights twinkle against Dan's cheek. 

"You're so warm," Phil slurred, falling deeper and deeper into the brown of Dan's irises. Their fingers lacing together as Phil tucked his legs deeper in the blanket. Their thumbs twirling along to a familiar dance. 

Dan hummed again, feeling a pull between their woven threads. Phil's eyes trailing down freckles dotted upon his cheeks. His mind getting lost in the buttery kiss placed upon his lips. He deepened it, letting pure love and warmth captivate him yet again. Their lips unlocked with a smack and Phil's head replaced Dan's upon his shoulder. "We should get up to bed" Dan said. 

"In a minute" Phil sighed, feeling Dan's weight weigh on him again. Together watching the ambers of the fire slowly die out on a toasted night leading up to Christmas. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who stuck with this since the beginning.  
> Thank you to those who stumbled upon a random chapter and started from the very beginning  
> Thank you to those who read these on tumblr  
> Thank you to those who just found my work  
> And THANK YOU to those who left comments or kudos.
> 
> I couldn't have done it without any of you :) <3
> 
> This is easily my favorite "thing" I have ever written, and each chapter a different story.  
> You'll definitely see more from me, but for now it's time to tell Nightly Routines "goodnight" ;)


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